Greatest Fear
by MKRG
Summary: The team races to the aid of Vala, who is facing her greatest fear. Fun team oneshot.


Daniel was the first to hear her scream. He shared a worried glance with Mitchell and Sam, then took off. The trio ran towards the source of the noise, winding through trees and thick brush. As they rushed to Vala's aid, they could hear zat fire in the distance.

They picked up the pace.

"What… is… going on?" Daniel yelled between breaths to his teammates.

"She's… not… answering… her radio!" Mitchell replied, huffing.

Meanwhile Sam had been using a small device to track Vala's location. "Teal'c… is… with her… Split up… and flank!" Without further comment, the trio split up. Mitchell and Sam took a long way around so that they could come up behind whatever might be attacking Vala and Teal'c. Daniel continued straight on.

Within another minute they converged on their friends' location.

Sam stopped short. Her hands fell limp and she nearly dropped her tracking device.

Mitchell screeched to a halt and lowered his weapon. He cocked his head, confused.

Daniel skidded to a stop. His mouth hung open as he stared.

Teal'c was standing, with Vala hanging precariously from his shoulders. He looked quite calm, but Vala, on the other hand, was terrified. She was scrambling to keep as far away from the ground as possible. She twirled around Teal'c wildly until she finally settled behind his head. Her legs hung down over his shoulders and her hands gripped feverishly to his head. Teal'c had to lean forward just to maintain his balance.

"What the hell?" Mitchell exclaimed.

Vala looked in his direction then screamed and pointed. They had never heard her yell so loud before. Teal'c raised his zat and calmly and very precisely shot at something next to Mitchell's head. While Cam was never actually hit by the blast, he was stunned just the same at how fast it all happened.

Now Sam was staring open-mouthed. "Holy Hannah."

"Did you just shoot at me, Teal'c?"

"No."

Cam did a double-take. "Then what…"

Daniel interrupted him. "Vala. It's gone. You can come down now."

She turned her head toward Daniel and shook it vigorously. Her grip on Teal'c's forehead increased.

"Really, Vala," Sam continued, "You're safe now. There's no more."

Vala pointed an accusing finger down at Teal'c's nose. "That's what _he_ said," she said in a quivering voice. "But they're _everywhere_."

All the while Cam had been shifting his attention between Daniel, Sam, and the concoction that was currently Vala plus Teal'c. He remained confused.

Daniel and Sam looked at each other until Sam finally shrugged and urged him on. He let out a small breath and stepped forward. Dropping his pack and his gun, he inched forward with arms out. Vala seemed to get his intention and began to shake her head, no.

Daniel shook his head, yes.

She shook her head, no.

He took hold of Vala's arm and started to pull. She squeaked. Her flurry of movements caused Teal'c to shift to his side in order to stay upright. Suddenly, he was out of arm's reach from Daniel.

"Come on, big guy, help me out here," Daniel complained.

"I will try," Teal'c said, sounding somewhat labored.

Daniel tried again. He moved forward, this time coming up behind Vala and Teal'c. He took hold of her waist with two hands and yanked. Despite his efforts Vala held on to Teal'c's face with an iron grip. As Daniel pulled, her fingers gripped harder, pulling the skin around the Jaffa's eyes taught. Cam started laughing. Sam fought with great effort not to join him. Vala's legs slid past Teal'c's neck as Daniel struggled. Screaming, Vala's ankles locked around his neck.

Vala was suspended above the ground in a sitting position of sorts that did not look at all comfortable. Daniel's feet were planted firmly on the ground as he leaned back in his effort to pull at Vala's waist. Teal'c leaned forward as much as he could, but could only really stand up straight against the resistance. By now Cam was rolling on the ground with laughter.

"Vala," Daniel said as she squirmed, "let go!"

"No," she said frantically, shaking her head. She gritted her teeth as she tried to maintain her hold on Teal'c.

Cam continued to hoot with laughter from the ground when suddenly, he felt something strange. He was on his back at this point. Something slimy was moving across his stomach. His laughter quickly turned to screams of surprise. A snake, two inches in diameter, was crawling across his torso.

Vala noticed this, too, and began to scream loudly again. With both of them now yelling, birds fluttered out of the trees. Sam held out her hands toward Cameron, but didn't know what to do. He was bouncing up and down trying to get the snake off of him. His hands would try gripping the slimy creature and would slip right off.

Vala saw this and jumped off of Teal'c. The force of her removal pushed Teal'c off his feet. With nowhere else to go, Vala ended up on top of Daniel. Crotch in his face. She yelled loudly while looking back at Cameron and the snake. Daniel was trying very hard not to fall. He gripped on the closest part of Vala he could find, her ass, in order to still her so he could stay upright.

Sam watched this display and began to laugh hysterically. Vala continued her high pitch scream while Cameron offered a harmony with his low pitch yells. The snake was still there. More birds were scared out of their trees. Teal'c was on his hands and knees, observing Cameron's wrestling match with the snake. Daniel attempted to yell at Vala, but his voice was muffled by her body in his face.

They had forgotten all about SG-3, who was there to provide back-up. Reynolds and his men had followed the screams and flanked the whole group, attempting a rescue. Their faces displayed a variety of shocked and amused expressions as they stared at the group.

Reynolds held his radio up to his mouth. "We found them, sir. They're alright. You might want to wait before…."

White light flashed and both teams disappeared.

The forest was suddenly empty of the disturbing creatures that had run local animals out of their homes. It was also missing one local snake.

High above the atmosphere, Jack was gesturing to a group of diplomats. Landry was right beside him. Both were in their dress blues. "And our number one team should be here…. now."

White light flashed and both teams appeared in the center of the room.

Jack's eyes went wide.

Sam was laughing. Cam and Vala were screaming. Daniel and Teal'c were each in their own compromising positions. SG-3, all four of them, were simply watching.

The diplomats scratched their heads.

The snake decided it had had enough of Mitchell and slithered off. It went straight for the feet of the diplomats. The two females in the group screamed and tried to raise their heeled feet away from the offending creature. The three men stepped back as well. One of them yelled at Jack. "General! What is the meaning of this!"

O'Neill had no idea what to say. Landry shouted instead, "Teal'c!"

The Jaffa crawled along the floor and grabbed the snake by the head. He stood up with it suspended in the air. It continued moving but it could not escape his grip. Its tail whipped violently toward the diplomats. They backed up to the wall in response. Teal'c exited the room with snake in hand. By now Cam had stopped yelling and Vala was calming down. She, however, was still perched on top of Daniel like a bird on a utility pole.

"Somebody get her off me," Daniel mumbled.

Sam was trying very hard to stop laughing. She saw the look on Jack's face and tried even harder. Seeing as Cam was still in shock on the floor, she proceeded to pull Vala off of Daniel. She gripped Vala's waist like before and slid her off easily. The raven-haired member of SG-1 looked around worriedly. "It's gone," Sam reassured her.

Vala pointed another accusing finger. "You said that before."

Daniel rubbed his hand down his face. When he replaced his glasses, he finally noticed the VIPs in the room. He stood straight at attention. "Uhhh, guys."

The girls turned to look at the diplomats. They formed a neat little line next to Daniel. Cameron shot up and joined them, wiping his hands off on his sides. SG-3 who had quietly stepped off to the side during this little fiasco stood at attention the moment Jack glared at them.

Landry coughed. "Delegates of the IOA and Senate, may I introduce SG-1 and SG-3, minus one member… who you saw… err, leaving."

"Yes," Jack chimed in, "as I was saying, they're our _best_ team." He glared at Daniel. "The _very best_." Daniel returned an indignant, it-wasn't-my-fault expression.

Cam held out a hand to the delegates. "Lt. Colonel Cam Mitchell, commanding officer of SG-1." The diplomats looked at his hand with mild looks of disgust. Mitchell realized what they must be thinking and pulled his hand back.

Vala just shivered. She had always hated snakes.


End file.
